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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27837775">A second chance</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/thorins/pseuds/thorins'>thorins</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Supernatural</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>15x20 fix, Fix-It, Happy Ending, Heaven, M/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 20:35:11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,396</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27837775</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/thorins/pseuds/thorins</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>He was looking for Cas but he couldn‘t find him. The people he‘d meet were always strangers, people he‘s never met, people who have never met Cas. No one ever recognized the man from his picture. And Dean came no closer to finding him.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Castiel/Dean Winchester</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>49</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>A second chance</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>So this is it. This is heaven. Dean didn‘t know what he expected it to look like but he knew this wasn’t it. Somewhere in the back of his head he remembers being told that heaven was individual; a perfect serenity for each and every person in their own personal heaven. This wasn’t that. It was beautiful. And vast. And nothing he could‘ve ever seen before.</p><p>He took a few deep breaths, the air smelled like freshly cut grass and a burnt out campfire. He looked around, letting his eyes travel over everything. The mountains in the distance, the forest just a few miles down the street, the peaceful lake shimmering in the sunlight. He turned around and there he saw the Roadhouse, saw Bobby, their Bobby, sitting on the porch smiling at him, saw Baby parked out front. Saw everything the way it used to be, simply different.</p><p>A few more breaths, this time smelling like fresh burgers and the inside of his Impala, and a few more, inhaling the smell like it was a drug. Simply because he could. Why could he?</p><p>Fascinating, to be dead and in Heaven and still breathe, and smell, and walk and touch things. Feel things. Say things. He sat down on the bench beside Bobby. </p><p>„It‘s good to see you, Bobby,“ he says, smiling wistfully.</p><p>They talk. About Heaven, about how it all came together, how Jack created this version of Heaven to be one they all deserved. Where they all get their second chance; their happy ever after, for they never could have had that while living. „Cas helped,“ Bobby then added, raising his eyebrows, suggesting something. Deans head shot up, staring back at Bobby. Realizing that Cas was alive, he was okay, him and Jack were okay. Dean missed him. Missed them. Smiling, he looked down at his hands, then at Baby. Another deep breath, then let his shoulders relax.</p><p>„What are you gonna do now?“ Bobby asked, it was so many questions put into one single, simple one. And Dean knew the answer to all of them. „I think I‘m gonna go for a drive.“</p><p>——-</p><p>He was looking for Cas but he couldn‘t find him. He had been on the road for what felt like days, although Dean was sure time worked differently in heaven than it did on earth. Every once in a while he‘d see a cabin of a cottage at the side of the road, sometimes he‘d have to drive down a dirt path to get to the houses dwelling deeper into the forest. Back when he was alive he had always dreamt of a small cottage out in nature. With a partner, someone to share it with, someone to dance with in front of the lit fireplace. Someone to make coffee for, someone to sing along to his favorite Zepp songs with. Maybe even share the house with a dog and a kid, although he was still not sure he would have ever wanted to raise a kid himself, too afraid of becoming the same kind of father his used to be. Too afraid of breaking and ruining everything.</p><p>At every single house he saw he‘d stop, park his car, get out and take a deep breath before walking up to the door. The air would smell different at every place. He‘d give a few knocks, sometimes sneaking a glance at the mailbox, if there was one, to see if he recognized the name. Sometimes he did wonder why there would be the need for mailboxes in heaven but he didn‘t care enough to ask anyone. But he‘d stand in front of those doors, frozen in that short moment between the knock and the door opening, scared of who he would see on the other side of that piece of wood. Terrified it would be someone who‘s life he‘d ruined. Even more terrified of it being Cas, telling him he simply did not want to see Dean and that was the reason he never sought him out. Telling him that what he said wasn‘t true. Not anymore. That Dean had missed his chance. </p><p>Every time the feeling he was left with, in the end, was a mixture of relief and disappointment. They were always strangers, people he‘s never met, people who have never met Cas. He had rummaged through his wallet to get the picture of Cas out so often that day that he decided to just keep the picture in his pocket. No one ever recognized him. And Dean came no closer to finding him. </p><p>But he kept driving, and he kept talking to strangers and he kept not getting any answers. Until he arrived at one white cottage with a red roof and a bright red door. This one stood out, he thought. This one was different. With new hope he got out and marched up to the door, once again peeking at the useless mailbox but seeing no name on it. The door opened in one swift motion, pulling Deans attention back on it. It was Charlie. Charlie was standing on the other side, the first confusion on her face quickly fading into pure joy. „Dean!“ she almost screamed before dragging him in for a hug, her arms wrapping around his midsection very tightly, his own hands coming up, one to rest on the back of her head and the other on her back. </p><p>„Hey, Charlie. I‘ve missed you,“ he said, still holding onto her, giving her a kiss on the head. She pulled away, then, the joy on her face turning into a mixture of concern and bewilderment.. „Why are you here so early?“ </p><p>So he said that that would be a story to be told over some coffee, if she‘ll have him. Of course she did, and of course she invited him in and handed him a mug of coffee before leading them to two armchairs in front of a coffee table. A small tv stood on the opposite side of them. It wasn‘t on. There were a bunch of DVDs messily stacked on top of eachother next to it. The entire place felt so welcoming, so much like home.</p><p>„Tell me,“ Charlie asked. And Dean told her. Everything that had happened after she had passed away. With Amara, the British Men of Letters. Of Chuck. Of Mary. And of Cas. Oh but talking about Cas again and again and not seeing him hurt more and more each time and Dean knew that Charlie noticed. </p><p>„I‘m-” he cleared his throat „I‘m actually looking for him. Bobby told me he was here.” He looked at Charlie but his hope was slowly fading when she gave him a sad look. „I‘m sorry, Dean, I haven‘t seen him.“</p><p>„Right. No one around here seems to have seen him,“ his voice cracked. He hoped Charlie didn‘t notice. </p><p>She gave him an indiscernible look. If Dean were to guess it was a mix of sorrow and hurt. Not for herself, but for him. „You love him, don‘t you?“ She asked hesitantly, her voice barely above a whisper but the words sounded crystal clear to Dean. Like a gunshot right next to his ear, leaving him with a heavy ringing for days. </p><p>Dean didn‘t say anything, simply nodded, and Charlie got up from her armchair and sat on the arm of his and just held him as he tried not to cry. </p><p>She gave him a kiss on the cheek before he left, told him to „go get your man- angel.. man“ and waved after him as he drove away with the promise of returning.</p><p>——</p><p>So he kept driving. And driving and driving until his hands started to feel sore from gripping the steering wheel so tightly. He wondered if the Cas he saw in the rearview mirror wasn‘t just a hallucination, but as soon as he‘d turn around he‘d be gone. </p><p>He kept driving, kept calling out for Cas in his head, silent prayers. His thoughts always managed to say more than his words ever could. Cas had loved him and Dean loved him the same and he never told him, never got the courage that Cas showed. In all their years together he had never told Cas how much he meant to him, how he changed his entire life, how he continued changing his life even now he‘s dead. </p><p>Deciding to take a break and to take a few steps to get back some energy, he pulled over right next to a dirt path leading deep into the woods. He decided to walk along it and so followed it on foot, taking in the sound of the leaves crunching beneath his feet, or the sunrays shining through the treetops, the birdsong. He walked until he couldn‘t see Baby anymore and then walked even further. </p><p>Until he arrived at a clearing with a wooden cross in the middle. The trees around it had fallen like there had been a nuclear blast. Like an angel had just dragged a human out of hell and built him anew, like an angel had just left his handprint on someones shoulder and then left Dean sitting in his wake. The place where his body was buried after being torn to shreds by hellhounds as his brother watched. The place where Cas first met him, saw him, touched him. </p><p>He wanted to turn around but didn‘t when he heard voices talking not far away. He passed the cross, a shiver running through his body, followed the voices and arrived at a bench overlooking the lake he had seen before. </p><p>„Cas? Jack?“ He asked, softly, scared.</p><p>Jack turned around from where he was sitting on the bench, his face breaking into a wide smile, his eyes crinkling. „Dean!“ He replied, standing up from the bench and walking towards him, embracing him in a hug.</p><p>„Heard you did all of this, kid. I‘m proud of you,“ Dean whispered. Jack let go of him and smiled „Thank you. There are many things I still have to create or change but I like it so far.“</p><p>„Me too,“ Dean replied, smiling at Jack before looking over at Cas, who stared at him longingly before tearing his eyes away to look at the lake.</p><p>Jack glanced between the two with confusion on his face, then resolution. „I still have things to do so I think I will leave you two alone for now. Just pray to me if you need me.“</p><p>And then he vanished, just like that. Thin air where he‘d been standing, just like he did when he left the first time. And although Dean knew he could see him anytime now it didn‘t hurt any less. The missing feeling already coming back. </p><p>„Dean,“ Cas said hesitantly, approaching Dean with careful steps. „Cas,“ he breathed. His eyes stung.</p><p>„You‘re early.“</p><p>„I missed you.“</p><p>Cas smiled at him sadly, his eyes glinting. „I‘ve been looking for you, Cas and i couldn‘t find you,“ a pause „Where were you?“</p><p>„I‘m sorry, Dean. I-” he avoided looking at Dean, looked at the green grass beneath his feet instead „I didn‘t think you‘d want to see me.“ He dared looking at him again, his eyes pleading. Please tell me I‘m wrong. </p><p>„Why wouldn‘t I want to see you, Cas? You‘re-” A deep breath, pacing, wiping at his eyes „I prayed to you, Cas,“ his voice breaking, pleading  „didn‘t you hear me?“ </p><p>„I heard you, Dean. I didn‘t want to startle you while you were driving so I simply came here so you could find me if you wanted to. I stopped trying to run from you. From what I‘ve told you. And now you‘ve found me.“</p><p>„I would have taken crashing my car if it meant having you with me, Cas,“ Deans voice cracked again. Tears started to fall, dropping onto his jacket, leaving dark circles. It really was fascinating how alive everything here felt despite being dead. Despite being in heaven and not on earth. How he could still hear the leaves rustling, how they still fell to the ground with too heavy of a wind gust.</p><p>„I‘m sorry, Dean-” Dean interrupted him „No, don‘t. Please. Don‘t apologize. I-” avoided eye contact, „Me too, Cas.“ </p><p>Cas wanted to say something, Dean could see it on his face. „Dean-” </p><p>Taking a step closer, interrupting Cas‘ words, he reached up to take Cas‘ face in his hands, running his thumbs along his cheeks. „Tell me again. What you told me before-” a whisper, barely that. It hurt to even think about but Cas knew what he meant, knew he didn‘t need Dean to finish saying it. </p><p>„I love you,“ Cas said again, smiling softly, his eyes shining with so much love for the man in front of him. With so much hope and contentment and happiness. Final and true happiness.</p><p>Dean kissed him then, tentative and barely touching. Cas‘s hands found their way to Deans waist, holding on. Dean pulled away, let their foreheads touch before kissing Cas again, fiercer this time. More confident. For the first time in either of their lives, Dean and Cas finally felt complete. Like they finally got what they‘ve been dreaming of for years, decades, eons. </p><p>Standing in the clearing overlooking the lake they stood, holding eachother, basking in the feeling of wholeness. A heavy gust of wind blew, making the lake roar and the trees sing, Jack telling them he loved them in his own way. </p><p>They couldn‘t live their true lives while they were on earth but they could begin anew now. They had forever to figure everything out, to have all their firsts together, to fully love one another in a way they’ve never loved anyone. Dean would have never guessed for this to be his ending and beginning, but he was happy that it was. He had Cas and Jack and everyone he had ever lost right back at his side and eventually, even when he hoped it‘d be a long way till then, eventually he‘d even have Sam back at his side. And so would Eileen, and her and Sam could live in a house beside his and Cas’ and they’d finally get to be happy. It would be just as they had always wanted it to be.</p><p>They could finally lay their weary heads to rest. And they could finally have peace.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>so this was a small fix it fic i wrote like yesterday at 11pm. im still mad at the finale and i had to get some of that anger out. anyways this is the spn that lives in my head.<br/>come yell with me on tumblr @/wlwcastiel</p></blockquote></div></div>
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